We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
