ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just invented taco cereal.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
