You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
