If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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