I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
