so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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