He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
