$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
