TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize