I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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