are you still at the devil's house?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
