went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
