How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
