new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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