think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
