WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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