we're chasing vodka with high fives
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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