Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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