I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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