My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
