corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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