Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
