It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
