'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
