his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
