It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
