just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
