why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
