Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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