I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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