You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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