i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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