im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
