Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
