from now on my penis is your penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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