i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's blow job season.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
