your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
