Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a beard to bite.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
