I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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