he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
