4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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