I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
