So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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