I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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