saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize