Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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