Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
