i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
