So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
