Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
