OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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