I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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