dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
