I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
