i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
