would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
