i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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