We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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