Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
