WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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