Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
honey bunches of taint.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
