When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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