I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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