He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
