I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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