I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
