Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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