do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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