everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
