my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
