I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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