Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
