He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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